2024-04-01

creative writing

Toublan, Bordeaux, and Merlot walk into a Barn

The pig surprised everyone. Often, pigs will do that when they either start talking and become the most lovable friend you could ever had, or, when they suddenly sprout wings and start flying. Our pig, the one we're talking about here, is a very unique pig, but when this story starts this fact is not yet known.

He was named Toublan after the last wine bottle that the farmers had the weekend before. His brother and sister were also named after wine: Bordeaux and Merlot. As the months went by, the wine pigs led an unremarkable life just munching about and being pigs. The kids would play with them and Toublan even learned to play fetch with cabbages. The kids considered that remarkable given that his brother Bordeaux would always eat the cabbages instead of bringing them back. It was said that his sister Merlot could fly when no one was looking, and that was how they explained the food that went missing from the upper deck of the barn, but that was not something anyone could prove.

One day, they found Merlot on the roof of the barn. No one was sure how she got there. The commotion was so loud that neighbours came to watch the impossible scene. Which caused Merlot to be scared and slip. As she rolled down the roof, her older brother Bordeaux screamed "Fuck! She's gonna fall!" much to the surprise of everyone present including Merlot who squeaked at the unfamiliar voice coming out of her brother.

That was too much for granny, a potentially flying pig and a definitely talking one were not something her heart was prepared to cope with and it just gave up.

Amidst the mayhem, Bordeaux screamed "Merlot, go get help!" upon which, blushing like a tomato, Merlot took flight in the direction of the hospital. Three people passed out at the sight of the flying pig. One of them hitting the barn fusebox, causing a short that shut everything down.

The lights went down just as the farmer was about to try to revive granny with the emergency defribillator.

"Fuck it" said the farmer and simply unplugged it from the wall socket. He slowly walked towards Toublan and plugged it into his nose. The machine beeped and a couple seconds later, after a huge shock, granny shouted "The pig is talking!" and collapsed again after seeing the sparks flying from Toublan nose.

Outside, an air ambulance guided by a flying Merlot landed. A kid looking at Toublan gleefully shouted "It's Pigachu!"